Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 3:37 am Post subject: Jokes thread
I always liked it when a forum had a thread specifically for posting jokes, so I thought I'd start one here.....
Since it's a political forum, I'm going to start with one political in nature that our friends on the right would like.
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises and then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises and dims from sight.
The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do for the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did" FDR replies and fades into the mist. Bush isn't sleeping at all the fourth night, when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
Not really political, but heres another tv lawyer Denny Crane joke.
"There was this guy who died, and he went up to heaven and saw St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, as St. Peter shows him around the guy sees someone in a suit making a closing argument, and he asks St. Peter, 'Hey Peter, whose that over there?', St. Peter replies, 'Oh, thats just God, thinks he's Denny Crane'"
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl ws filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist:
"Miss Beatrice," he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."