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Docsmitter
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Location: CA LE FOR NYE YAY

PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 7:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Oolon Colluphid wrote:
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."


HAHHAHAHA

Well said, I shall remember this for times to come.
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exton
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 9:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Oolon Colluphid wrote:
exton wrote:
There are two muffins cooking in the oven, and one muffin says:
"Gee, sure is hot in here!"
So the other muffin turns around and goes "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!"


I'm concerned.... I found this really funny. Shocked


So did i, when i first heard it.

It's a really, really bad joke...which is why it's so funny. You just don't expect it to go that way.
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Lester
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 9:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
exton wrote:
Oolon Colluphid wrote:
exton wrote:
There are two muffins cooking in the oven, and one muffin says:
"Gee, sure is hot in here!"
So the other muffin turns around and goes "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!"


I'm concerned.... I found this really funny. Shocked


So did i, when i first heard it.

It's a really, really bad joke...which is why it's so funny. You just don't expect it to go that way.


Sometimes bad jokes are the best, I mean think about the chicken crossing the road, thats really not a good joke, but if you've never heard it before, HILARIOUS.

I once met a girl who had never heard that joke before in her life. The laughter went on for a good five minutes.
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jusdeadphunky
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Oolon Colluphid wrote:
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl ws filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist:
"Miss Beatrice," he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."


hahahahaha
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jusdeadphunky
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
george bush, dick cheney, donald rumsfeld and condi are flying in a helicopter when bush says i bet if i threw a $1000 bill out the window, it would make someone very happy. dick replies if you throw 10 $100 bills out of the window it would make 10 people happy. rummy chimes in and says if you throw 100 $10 bills out the window it would make 100 people happy. the pilot looks at the co-pilot and says jesus...i know how to make at least 100 million people happy.
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JesusLopezViejo
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
jusdeadphunky wrote:
george bush, dick cheney, donald rumsfeld and condi are flying in a helicopter when bush says i bet if i threw a $1000 bill out the window, it would make someone very happy. dick replies if you throw 10 $100 bills out of the window it would make 10 people happy. rummy chimes in and says if you throw 100 $10 bills out the window it would make 100 people happy. the pilot looks at the co-pilot and says jesus...i know how to make at least 100 million people happy.
lol!
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PeaceLoveandRockNRoll
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 8:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. Two to screw it in, and one to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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jusdeadphunky
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Welfare Office

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really much rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.

You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well...you started it.
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jusdeadphunky
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Guts vs Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them?

In an effort to set the record straight, the (Oxford dictionary's
official definition) for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts
to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on you collar, slapping
your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "Get ready,
you're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.
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Lester
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 5:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
"The internet is like a series of tubes.."

'Nuff said.
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Oolon Colluphid
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of

golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The

puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf

balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him

thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her

curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis

elbow?"
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Noureddin
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Location: Israel(The place where the Anti-Christ will be born). April Fools!

PostPosted: Sun Dec 31, 2006 3:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
-------------------------------------------------
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?"


"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises and then fades away.


The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"


"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises and dims from sight.


The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do for the country?"


"Help the less fortunate, just as I did" FDR replies and fades into the mist. Bush isn't sleeping at all the fourth night, when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"


Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

-------------------------------------------------

Go see a play. XD lol
-------------------------------------------------

How do you tell a democrat from a republican?

Get someone to be drowning a hundred feet away.

The republican will search for a 50ft rope, throw it toward the drowning person, hold tight on his hand and yell "swim for it!"

The democrat will search for a 100ft rope, throw it toward the drowning person, and let go of his hand to go off and do some other good deed.

XDXDXDXD

-------------------------------------------------
?: why did the peanut go to the police station?


a: because it was asalted.


I laughed the first time(Like the muffin one that exton said.)cause I never heard of it. Still funny the first time. XD
-------------------------------------------------


LOL!

I got one...

Why do blacks hang their pants so low?

Say "saggin" backwards...


BTW, I'm not racist, I just thought this was humorous...I'm actually black myself.

-------------------------------------------------
LOLDERZ!!!!

P.S.Dont youre avaster show you? or is that someone else. If it is you then youre not black. the avaster shows a more latin amercain person. Still, you might be. Not sure cause of avaster.

-------------------------------------------------

What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you at the corner.

Two men walk into a bar.

The third one ducks.

Two ants walk into the bar, one says to the other;

"Is the bar tender here?"

The barman sees the ants come in and says;

"What wood you like?"

Whats the difference between a nightwatchmen and a butcher?

One stays awake the other weighs a steak.


...
-------------------------------------------------

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

Stereo type...
-------------------------------------------------

Welfare Office

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really much rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.

You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well...you started it.


looool!!!

-------------------------------------------------
"The internet is like a series of tubes.."

'Nuff said.

I saw a funny *** AMV about that. It's something about the Matrix, Willy wonka, AND the tube thing. lol It's funny if you see it.

The other jokes I'm not going to qoute. not that great.
====================================================


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Oolon Colluphid
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 31, 2006 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Uhhh, why did you quote all the jokes again?

You can make a quote box by simply putting in - [quote]

then put another at the end with a - [/quote

( I can't put in the end bracket or it will make the quote box) Laughing

Quote:
It will be much clearer to see your added comments
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Some Chick
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Location: EARTH

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 6:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I caught a few mins of Beauty and the Geek last night for the first time and I heard this one:

What do you call a Bee that makes milk instead of Honey?


A boo-bee. Rolling Eyes
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Oolon Colluphid
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Some Chick wrote:

What do you call a Bee that makes milk instead of Honey?


A boo-bee. Rolling Eyes


HA! Laughing
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